


Goodbye, My Sunflower

by Momiji_Hyuga



Category: xxxHoLic
Genre: CLAMP, Character Death, Crying, F/M, Feels, Himawatanuki, Immortality, Sadness, Shopkeeper Watanuki, Spoiler Alert - Freeform, Spoilers, Sunflowers, Tears, all of the feels, and you know it's canon by the end of the main series you can't even try to deny it, i guess, lots and lots of sunflowers, of course, sad things, there will be crying, xxxHoLic♦Rou-Related
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-25
Updated: 2015-07-25
Packaged: 2018-04-11 03:24:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,400
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4419356
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Momiji_Hyuga/pseuds/Momiji_Hyuga
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Watanuki dreams of a field of sunflowers...</p><p>Among that field stood a woman he knew all too well...</p><p>A dear friend with a final wish that needs to be granted...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Goodbye, My Sunflower

**Author's Note:**

> CONTAINS SPOILERS! PLEASE READ/WATCH THE ORIGINAL "xxxHOLiC" MANGA/ANIME SERIES BEFORE CONTINUING! THANK YOU!
> 
> I really love WatanukixHimawari. They make the cutest couple TTwTT Even in the manga, they told each other "I love you" (even if it was over the phone), and I think that they were together for some time before she got married. It's sad to imagine how he must have felt to hear she was getting married, too.
> 
> I teared up writing this, so I hope you have similar feelings while reading it.

Watanuki opened his eyes to find himself looking up at the bright blue sky. Clouds drifted slowly by as the sun shined overhead. Large stalks of green with yellow petals at their very tops reached up toward the blue mass.

“Where…” He sat up, looking around. He was lying on soft grass, green plant stems surrounding him. He knew by now that he was in a dream, after everything that he had experienced. This place was new to him, but there was something about the atmosphere that felt…familiar. It gave Watanuki a sense of warmth, not from the sun, but inside his chest. It made him feel at ease. “Whose dream then, I wonder…?”

He stood up, and when he looked at his surroundings he let in a surprised breath. He was in a large field of sunflowers, no taller than his chest. In the distance he can see a stream with a small bridge leading to another sunflower field. On the other side of that field was a small green meadow.

It was absolutely beautiful.

“Sunflowers…?” He muttered to himself, and as he spoke that word it dawned on him, his heart skipping a beat. He realized just whose dream this was. Watanuki spun around frantically, scanning the area for that person. “Where? Where are you?” He couldn’t see anyone in the sea of yellow, but he had to keep looking. Suddenly he heard a chirping above him, and he looked up. A bright yellow bird with long tail feathers came down, circled around Watanuki, and flew ahead of him before landing about twenty yards away on an outstretched finger. With his heart beating fast, he watched as she rose. Her back faced him, and her long dark curls bounced as she moved. She wore a yellow kimono with a sunflower pattern, making her blend in with the flowers after which she was named. She turned her head slightly, just enough to barely see part of her face.

“Hima-” he began, moving forward to run. But as soon as he stepped down his eyes snapped open and he found himself back in his bedroom. His heart still racing, he sat up and grasped his head, dizzy. He became too hasty and woke himself up. He balled his hands into fists and slammed down on the bed. “Dammit!”

 

“Hello, this is Kimihiro Watanuki. I would like to talk to Himawari-chan, please.”

“Oh, good morning, Watanuki-san,” said the male voice over the phone. “It’s been a while since we’ve spoken, hasn’t it?”

“Yes, it has,” said Watanuki calmly.

“I was just about to call you myself, actually. You see, Himawari…um…she’s not doing too well. She’s been getting weaker, as I’m sure Doumeki-kun has mentioned to you before. And, she…” The voice paused, letting out a shaky breath. When he found his voice, Watanuki’s eyes widened with his next words, “…she collapsed. She hasn’t woken up in two days.”

 

“And it was Kunogi?” asked Doumeki.

“Yes,” answered Watanuki, preparing some incense. “I’m positive. She even had Tanpopo with her.” He lit the incense. “He called you, right? Her husband, I mean.”

“Yeah.”

“So you know…” Watanuki blew out the flames, “…she’s in the hospital….”

“Yes.”

Watanuki set the burner down, then turned to look at Doumeki. “You and Kohane-chan should go and visit her today. Be there for them both. If what he said is correct…” he paused, glancing down, “…she doesn’t have much time left….”

Doumeki watched him for a few seconds before answering. “All right. I’m sure Kohane would want to go anyway. It’s been a year since she’s seen Kunogi.”

Watanuki looked up at him with a smile. “Thank you.” He gave a slight chuckle. “And I thought I told you, you shouldn’t be calling her ‘Kunogi’ anymore. She’s been married for years.”

“Habit, I suppose”

Watanuki sighed. He turned away, picking up his pipe. “I’m sure you know already,” he said, sticking the pipe into his mouth. “Meeting in dreams causes an ill effect on Himawari-chan.”

“So for her to meet with you like she did…”

Watanuki nodded. “She must have a wish.”

“Do you have an idea of what it could be?”

Watanuki breathed in and blew out smoke, looking down at the floor. “I do….” Although Doumeki couldn’t see his face, he knew Watanuki’s expression was saddened.

 

Watanuki was able to find her easily this time. He forced himself to walk to her instead of run. When he finally reached her, she was bent over, smelling a flower. Tanpopo chirped from her shoulder and flew up onto his, rubbing against Watanuki’s face. He smiled and petted the small creature.

“What took you so long?” a ringing voice spoke. She stood up straight, a slight breeze blowing her hair. She turned around and smiled at him, her eyes sparkling in the sunlight. “It’s nice to see you again, Watanuki-kun.”

He smiled back, a light blush tinting his cheeks as his eyes fell on the beautiful young woman in front of him. “It’s good to see you too, Himawari-chan.”

 

“So, what happened to you earlier?” Himawari asked. They sat on the bridge, their legs hanging over the edge above the water. “You disappeared so suddenly.”

“I was so shocked when I saw you.” Watanuki chuckled, embarrassed. Tanpopo had left his shoulder and settled onto Himawari’s lap. “I got too eager and woke myself up by mistake.”

Himawari laughed. “I can’t believe you did that. That’s so like you!”

“Is it, really?” Watanuki asked, his face becoming warm. “How so?”

“Well, I mean, it sounds like something you would have done a long time ago. You’ve become so calm and careful, it’s funny to think you did something like that.”

“Yeah….” He smiled warmly at her. “I guess…seeing you made me a teenager again.”

There was a hint of surprise on Himawari’s face before she turned away and looked down at the water. “You talked to my husband, didn’t you?”

Watanuki watched the stream as well. “Yes.”

“Then you know of my current condition.”

“…Yes.” He observed her in the corner of his eye. She smiled sadly as she watched the water, stroking Tanpopo’s head. “Himawari-chan…why are we here?”

“I know you know the answer to that,” Himawari accused. “I want you to grant my wish.”

“So you crossed dreams to meet with me…even in your condition?”

“I did it _because_ I’m in my condition.” She continued to pet Tanpopo, but her smile was gone. “With the way things are turning out…I may not even last the night.

“You see…” she continued, “…I’ve been trying my best to hold on. To keep my strength up until the next time I visited the store. But the other night, I collapsed and haven’t woken up since. Even now…” She closed her eyes, concentrating. “…I hear the voices coming from my hospital room. I can hear my husband’s voice, and I hear Doumeki-kun and Kohane-chan as well. Sometimes I’ll hear the doctors or nurses as they do their rounds.” She opened her eyes. “But I still held on, even though I was in no state to visit. That’s why I needed to see you as soon as I could…and this was the only way. For the sake of that wish.”

“Your wish…”

“You’ve figured it out, haven’t you? After all, you should know what tomorrow is.”

“Even so…I want to hear you say it.”

She smiled at him, a sad glint in her eyes. “I wanted to see you, for one final visit.”

Even though Watanuki had indeed pieced it together, once those words left Himawari’s lips, his heart ached.

“Of course, there’s a price for any wish. Although, I was hoping you would let me know what it was, since I didn’t think I could bring anything in here to give you.”

“You’re wrong,” Watanuki said. “Your being here _does_ give me something.” He placed his hand on hers, squeezing it affectionately. “It gives me precious time with you….”

Himawari stared at him with wide eyes. After a few moments she turned her head away and gave an unconvincing laugh. “You shouldn’t say things like that to a married woman, Watanuki-kun.” Her voice quivered as she spoke.

“I’m sorry, but I stand by what I said.” He reached over and cupped her face, gently turning her to face him. He wiped away a tear that fell from the corner of her eye. “I’m very happy to be with you, Himawari-chan.”

She placed her hand over his and smiled. “I’m happy, too. Thank you….”

Tanpopo let out a cheerful “ _Pi!_ ” from Himawari’s lap, and as he flew around them they couldn’t help but laugh. “It looks like Tanpopo’s happy to be with you too, Watanuki-kun,” Himawari giggled.

“Haha, it appears so.” They sat quietly for a few minutes before Watanuki stretched his arms. “Well then…” He stood up, extending his hand out to her. “Shall we continue our walk?”

“Okay,” she said brightly, taking his hand. They strolled leisurely through the flowers toward the meadow, holding hands as they did so. Tanpopo sat happily on Himawari’s shoulder. They wandered for a good while, enjoying the scenery while telling each other stories of the past year, like the drinking contests Doumeki and Mokona had, or the new recipes Himawari prepared with success. They even reminisced about their teenage years, all the crazy, weird, and fun things they did together.

“It’s such a beautiful place, isn’t it?” Himawari observed after reaching the meadow, the sky changing colors as the sun reached the horizon.

“Yes,” agreed Watanuki. “And the weather’s nice. Not too warm or cool, very comfortable.”

“I wonder…do you think there’s an actual place like this in the real world?” She turned around to look at the golden ocean of flowers. “I’ve never seen anything like it. A sunflower field this big, and in a place so vast.”

“That’s because this is a dream.”

“Eh?”

“This is a special place, your own world made just for you,” Watanuki explained. “It won’t exist anywhere else. This is _your_ dream, after all.”

“Really…that’s a shame.”

“Hm?”

“After I’m gone, I suppose this place will be gone, too. It’s sad to think that this lovely place was wasted on me.”

“It’s not a waste--”

“I’m surprised though,” she interrupted. “I never imagined that I could create something like this. It’s all so breathtaking.”

They remained silent for what felt like a long time before Watanuki spoke.

“Then I’ll keep it alive.”

“What?”

“After you’re gone. I’ll keep this place alive. I’ll make sure it’s well taken care of. I promise…I won’t let it die.”

“You really don’t have to do that.”

“I want to.”

“…And the price?”

“There’s no need for one, since I’ll be doing it for myself, as well.” He paused in thought. “Though to make sure, I’ll continue to have Doumeki bring food and homemade sake over to your husband once in a while.”

“Hm…” She turned to watch the setting sun. “You’ve always been sweet.” She smiled. “You know, my husband is sweet, too. He’s funny and kind, and he puts others before himself. He reminded me of you when I first met him.” She paused, continuing to gaze at the skyline. “I really do care about him…but…” She faced him. “…in the end, I couldn’t love him as much as I loved you.”

“Himawari-chan…”

“Ah…!” Suddenly she cringed, and her hand was brought to her chest.

“Himawari-chan!” Watanuki grabbed her arms, keeping her from falling. Tanpopo jumped off in surprise, chirping wildly. “Himawari-chan! Are you okay?”

“I…I’m fine.” She winced again, and Watanuki carefully helped her to the ground.

“You’re not fine. You’ve been in here too long. It’s taking its toll.” He placed his hand over her chest and closed his eyes. His hand glowed as he used his magic. Ten seconds later he opened them. “You don’t have much longer. Please, you have to leave.”

“I’m…not leaving.” She sat up, pushing his hand away.

“Himawari-chan--”

“I want to stay.” She looked him straight in the eye. “As long as I can.”

“You don’t have to hold on,” Watanuki exclaimed. “You’ve had your wish granted. You don’t have to suffer anymore….”

“If I go now, I won’t be satisfied. I’ll suffer knowing I didn’t do all I could. If that happens, then I won’t actually be able to leave, would I?” Watanuki eyes widened at her. To think she would actually suggest becoming a ghost, just because she’s too stubborn to pass on.

“That’s low….”

“I’m sorry, but I had to say it. I’ll be fine, I promise. Please, just a few more hours.”

Watanuki eyed her before letting out a sigh in surrender. “Fine. A few more hours.”

“You don’t need to look so gloomy. Why don’t you sit down and watch the sunset with me? It’s been a while, right?”

“…Yeah.” He sat down, defeated. He glanced over to find her studying him.

“Are you mad?” she asked.

“I could never be mad at you,” he answered, blushing. Himawari giggled and laid her head on his shoulder.

They viewed the sunset peacefully while keeping small talk going. The sky gradually became darker, and one by one the stars appeared. The moon rose up not long after the sun fell, its full body lighting up the night sky.

“It’s been too long since we’ve been together like this,” said Himawari.

“Yes, it really has,” Watanuki replied. “Do you want to walk some more?”

“Sure.” He helped her stand up, and he noticed her breathing was a little ragged. Her complexion wasn’t looking well, either. He held her hand while keeping his other on her shoulder, in case he needed to catch her again. They walked through the meadow while occasionally picking out shapes in the stars.

“I’m going to miss this…” spoke Himawari, “…being next to you.”

“Yes…” answered Watanuki. “I’m sorry…I’ve been unable to help.”

“No, it’s not your fault. And don’t say that when you’ve helped plenty.” Watanuki gave a confused look, so she elaborated. “Kohane-chan told me years ago. With every visit, I’ve felt less of the harmful weight from the previous. You’ve made it so, am I right?”

Watanuki appeared slightly embarrassed, unable to believe Kohane would tell on him. “I wanted…to make the store better for you, even just a little.”

“And I thank you for it.” She stopped walking. “Hey, Watanuki-kun…”

“Yes?”

“How long…will you continue to wait?” she asked. “For Yuuko-san?”

It took him a moment to answer. “As long as I can, even if everything around me disappears. Until we’re able to meet again, I’ll continue to work as owner of that shop. Because Yuuko-san is also a person who’s precious to me.”

“I see…that’s okay, then.” She smiled and gazed up at the moon. “I’m sure she’ll be happy to know you waited for her. I hope you get your wish, Watanuki-kun.”

Something came down from the sky in a colorful ray of light, almost like a shooting star. It arched down toward them, and when it reached the ground it formed a bridge.

“It’s come to get you…” Watanuki said, his voice sounding disheartened.

“It’s time, huh…?” Himawari turned to him, a heartfelt smile upon her face. “Thank you for granting my wish, Watanuki-kun. I’m glad I got to spend these last moments by your side.”

“I was more than happy to grant it,” Watanuki said.

“Also,” she continued, “I’m glad…that you could see me like this…looking young again. No wrinkles or gray hair…back when you thought me beautiful….”

“No…” His heart pounded hard against his chest. “Don’t say that…. You’ve always been beautiful. No matter how much older you may have gotten, you’ve always brought a smile to my face. No matter how different you may look, you will always be the cute, kind, beautiful Himawari-chan I know and love. Don’t you ever think otherwise.”

“Watanuki-kun…!” Her eyes glistened with tears.

Watanuki’s eyes stung as he took her face in his hands. “I don’t care how much time has passed. I will never regret having met you, but…I’m truly sorry…my only regret is that I wasn’t able to grow old with you. And right now…” He tried to blink the tears away, but failed. “Right now, this time… _any_ time I have spent with you means everything to me. Even though we saw each other only once a year, every cherishing moment was a treasure.”

“Me too….” Tears fell from Himawari’s eyes. “I feel the same way.”

“I…I love you, Himawari-chan.”

“I love you too…Watanuki-kun.”

He leaned down and kissed her firmly on her lips, her hands moving to his arms. Tears ran down their faces as they closed their eyes. They kissed each other with an aching passion, one they had not felt in decades. They were unable to hold themselves back as they gave one another their love. When finally their lips parted, they stared longingly into each other’s eyes. Watanuki brought his arms around Himawari and laid his head on her shoulder.

“I’m going to miss you….” Tears fell onto her kimono as he cried. He felt Himawari’s arms wrap around him tightly, her tears on his shoulder as well.

“I’ll miss you too…Thank you for being my friend….”

Watanuki led her to the foot of the bridge, giving her one final hug and a kiss on the forehead before she stepped onto the wood. Tanpopo was already waiting for her, sitting on one of the posts. With another “ _Pi!_ ” he rose into the air, flying around Himawari, then over to Watanuki to say goodbye.

“Hehe, goodbye, Tanpopo,” he said to the little bird. “Thank you for always watching over Himawari-chan.” The bird trilled joyfully in response, then returned to Himawari's shoulder.

“Goodbye, Watanuki-kun,” said Himawari. “Thank you again…for everything.”

“Goodbye… Himawari-chan.”

She began walking up the bridge, but stopped. “Oh, I almost forgot.” When she spun around, she wore the bright smile he always loved, the moon shining down behind her.

“Happy Birthday, Watanuki-kun!”

Watanuki stood stunned for a few seconds before smiling back, tears returning to his eyes. “Thank you….”

Tanpopo rose up into the air, leading her up the bridge. With every step she took, her long dark hair turned lighter and shortened in length. Soon every elegant curl was reduced by half, her hair becoming grey, though appeared vivid silver in the moonlight. As soon as she was far enough ahead, the bridge’s base began dissolving. When it reached Himawari, she and Tanpopo vanished, and the bridge returned to the sky in a vibrant beam, disappearing from sight.

 

Watanuki’s eyes burned when he opened them, though he did nothing to stop the tears from flowing. There was a tap on the screen door, so he sat up on the sofa. “Come in.” Maru and Moro opened the door, their expressions saddened and worried.

“Watanuki, are you okay?” Maru asked as they hurried and knelt in front of him.

“Are you okay, Watanuki?” asked Moro as they placed their hands on his knees.

“Yes…I’m fine, don’t worry.” He wiped his tears away. “What is it?”

“You have a phone call,” answered Maru.

“…Is it Doumeki?” he asked

“Yes,” answered Moro. “From the hospital.”

“I understand…” He patted them both on the head. “Thank you.” He stood up, and Maru and Moro watched him as he left the room. He went into the hallway and picked up the phone receiver. “Hello?”

“…Hey,” Doumeki’s voice said.

“Hey yourself.”

“It’s about Kunogi…” he continued. “Just a few moments ago…”

“…Yes,” Watanuki said solemnly. “I already know.”

“…I see.” There was a pause before he spoke again. “Was her request fulfilled?”

“Yes. She left happy.”

“That’s good. Do you want us to stop by tonight?”

“No, that’s all right. It’s already past midnight, isn’t it? It can wait until morning. You and Kohane-chan should go home and get some rest.”

“All right. See you tomorrow.”

“See you tomorrow.” He hung up, and his mind travelled back to the last few hours. When he remembered the image of Himawari’s face, of that wonderful smile that made him fall in love with her, his own smile surfaced across his face.

“Thank you, Himawari-chan…” he muttered. “You too…for everything….”

**Author's Note:**

> Did anyone recognize that bridge? It's the same bridge from Chapter 206, when Watanuki helped the spirit of an unborn child cross over. I thought it would be cool if it made a reappearance :3
> 
> [Here](http://i3.mangareader.net/xxxholic/206/xxxholic-1441850.jpg) [is](http://i5.mangareader.net/xxxholic/206/xxxholic-1441851.jpg) [the](http://i9.mangareader.net/xxxholic/206/xxxholic-1441852.jpg) [scene](http://i5.mangareader.net/xxxholic/206/xxxholic-1441853.jpg) [from](http://i3.mangareader.net/xxxholic/206/xxxholic-1441854.jpg) [that](http://i9.mangareader.net/xxxholic/206/xxxholic-1441855.jpg) [chapter](http://i7.mangareader.net/xxxholic/206/xxxholic-1441856.jpg).
> 
> I wrote this back in January 2014, but I had the idea of writing this even a couple years before then. I reread the last several volumes of xxxHOLiC and finally decided I wanted to do this, especially after those final two chapters of the manga. When I first read them, it seriously broke my heart realizing what Watanuki must have gone through. Over a hundred years passed, and he outlived all of his friends. The thought itself is just so tragic TT__TT Good job, CLAMP, you did it again.
> 
> I’ve been trying to work on an epilogue for the story, but I’m still stuck on it. Once I get it done, I’ll be posting it, but until then, I hope you enjoyed the feels I’ve given you. And I’m sorry for the length ^^"
> 
> Sorry I couldn't get Kohane or Mokona in here, but they were at least mentioned a little. They will be in the the epilogue though (if I actually finish it....)
> 
> Here's the story on my [Tumblr](http://momijihyuga804.tumblr.com/post/89112926421/goodbye-my-sunflower) and my [DeviantArt](http://animegirl804.deviantart.com/art/Goodbye-My-Sunflower-461579854)


End file.
